I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
