ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
