I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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