I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
