went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My cat gives me a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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