I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
