Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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