My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
