I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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