I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize