I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
