I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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