Me too!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
