hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's blow job season.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
