First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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