he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
be right there i have to get my cape
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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