'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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