I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
