I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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