and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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