I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
