just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
