wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
