I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize