I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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