so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
