dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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