I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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