We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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