If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
