Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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