Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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