Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
