I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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