wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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