very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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