If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
