We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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