Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
