I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would fuck him just for his dog
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
