All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
