Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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