morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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