In the future we'll all be gay
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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