i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
