she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
