Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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