wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
