Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
