Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Enjoy the penises
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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