I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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