I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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