I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
