My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
