My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
