what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
