my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
