i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
