just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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