I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
