I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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