You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
