Small penises have feelings too.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
