How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
