do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
