I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
