we have pet lesbian snakes
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish my penis had an off switch
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
