hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
