im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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