Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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