just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
