Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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