this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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