Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
