flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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