Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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