Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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