im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
