Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
