i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize