My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
