I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
