i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
