no, he came in my armpit
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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