so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize