Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
