I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
