Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
